made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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