he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
