i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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