the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
