Got a toothbrush?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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