we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
