Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
