out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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