Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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