Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
