Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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