fuck your aforementioned shoe
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
