I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
