Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
