just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
