I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
