After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
