I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
