Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
