Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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