Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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