Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
