i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
