is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
