she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
