Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize