Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
