Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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