Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
