I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
