dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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