i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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