do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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