whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
