Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
