I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize