you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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