Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
