She said her name was "party"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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