i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
