i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
