So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
