***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
