Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
