she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
