If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
