Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
