Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
