Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
