he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
