Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize