i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
