Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
