why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
