i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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