dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
