sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
