You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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