She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize