he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
