i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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