Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
