Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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