Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
too bad you live with your parents still
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
as a side note pls kill me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
