I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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