the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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