I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
