my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
