she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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