And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
