maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
