Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
