I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
